(Image Source: A Lilly Among Thorns)
My main goal for the duration of this pregnancy has been to remain present to everything—the changes my body is going through, my emotions, my day to day experiences, my work—so that I can truly appreciate what is happening in my life.
The result of that has been great…for the most part. I say that, because being present to everything means being present to the bad stuff too. Or the not so comfortable stuff. Or the stuff that I’d rather ignore and pretend didn’t exist.
This has meant feeling crappy about my body and how I look on occasion. Feeling cranky and tired (a lot). Noticing how much my body just plain aches. And recently, it has also meant sitting with a crap-ton of guilt.
Ah, guilt. The emotional gift that keeps on giving.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been sitting with an intense feeling of guilt and haven’t been sure what to make of it. Guilt around not being able to do certain things. Guilt for feeling uncertain about pretty much everything. Guilt for not having it more together…
The fun hasn’t stopped there. The guilt has started to turn into even more pleasant feeling likes overwhelm and anxiety.
And I know that some of this is normal you’re-going-to-have-a-baby-soon-and-your-whole-life-is-going-to-change kind of stuff. But feelings aren’t always rational. Instead of stuffing it all away, I’m trying to take it one day at a time. To journal. To listen to music that makes me happy. And to surround myself with things that make me smile.
While that may not completely eradicate the feeling of guilt, it does help me feel a little bit better each day and stay in the moment.
How do you stay present and allow yourself to feel what you feel?