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Guest Post: Food + weight obsession, a blessing. You’re kidding, right?


I used to think being obsessed with food and weight was the worst thing ever.

The shame of it. Seriously, who eats like that? And then, worse still, who doesn’t stop? I mean, I knew I should. For my teeth, if nothing else. And yet. I couldn’t.

The power of the bliss that eating gave me. The release. The take-me-away-from-the-hideousness-of-the-relentless-self-hatred, was to strong. I couldn’t willpower myself out of it. Nor psychotherapy may was through it. I couldn’t rationalise, strategise or kid myself from doing it. It almost killed me.

And yet, here I am, saying it’s a blessing.

That didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken almost ten years from finally stopping (I’m 46 now) to look back and say, all that hideousness was worth something. I wouldn’t give back one binge, one thought of self hatred, one ounce of shame. All those things got me here and I’m good with it.

My recovery started in a small room in LA where I reached the end of my tether. My version of bottoming out was realising I was trying the same thing again and again and again to stop this ludicrousness and it wasn’t ever going to work.

It was time to take an entirely new approach. I was going to have to open my arms and welcome in the beast. It was time to stop trying to stop. To stop trying to fix myself. I was going to have to learn to love all of me instead of waiting for some day in the future when I was better.

The task of learning to love every inch of myself — including bulimia — looked about as possible as understanding Stephen Hawkin’s theories.

I didn’t know if I was up to it. And yet, I knew it was my only chance. I needed to take small steps, to point myself in the direction of love and…keep going.

I did the unthinkable.

First, I decided to eat anything and everything my body desired. I declared, from this moment never to limit or manage my food in the name of weight loss again. I ate with mother fucking abandon. Not in a crazed out of my mind kind of way, but in a juicy, all emotions in, loving way.

I tasted my food. I enjoyed the textures and flavours and beauty of what it was giving me. I turned my attention to the energy, sustenance, vitality. While I ate in this new more nourishing way, I’d tell the voice in my head — you know that critical voice, we all have it — to shut up. I was done listening to it telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. I vowed to always have enough food on hand so I could eat if I wanted.

This, I came to realise, was an act of self love. And it’s one I’ve never gotten over. It started a chain reaction of choosing love over hate that has allowed me to live free.

Slowly but surely, a strange thing happened. For the first time in 20 years I experienced what it was like to not want to eat. I simply wasn’t interested. Only a compulsive eater can know the victory of that, right? I wasn’t planning, analysing, figuring out when, where and how.

When I stopped fighting, the urge started to fall away.

At the same time I decided to learn how to love my body. I might not like it very much, but hating it was sucking the life out of me. I stood naked in the mirror and connected, properly, with my physical self. I looked at each part in order to find something it was good for, then thank it. Can you imagine doing something so uncomfortable? Truly.

The self-loathing was loud but I was desperate and ready to go to any length.

Thank you legs, for holding me up, running for buses, walking to class etc, even though I’ve done nothing but hate you.

Thank you skin for keeping me together.

Thank you arms for carrying everything you’ve carried for me.

And so it went.

In-between soul wrenching sobs I asked my body to forgive me. Forgive the hatred, the shaming, the negativity I had on repeat. I never knew before that moment what compassion for myself felt like.

These early steps were radically different to what I had ever done. They put me in charge of my own wellbeing and it felt good.

If you can relate to the lonely shame of hating your body, feeling helpless and hopeless, I urge you to take yourself by the hand and invite love in.

Taking on these new, loving practices was a powerful starting point on the road to my recovery. I’d love to say they were an overnight cure, but I’d be doing you a disservice. I didn’t hate myself one day and feel blessed to have had an eating disorder the next.

It took ten years of choosing love over hate to finally see the madness as a blessing.

I skidded and slipped, took two steps forward, tripped one step back, veered left and right. The journey was a riddled with tough lessons and beautiful insights.

As you recover your sense of self worth, please give yourself space to do it imperfectly. You’ll have good days and bad days. You’ll try things that work and things that won’t. Or at least, I did.

Without being bulimic, who knows if I would have done what it took to get where I am now. I love my body, I eat what I want, I take care of myself with compassion and love. Yes my friends, food obsession is a blessing.


Emma WrightEmma Wright creates insightful things like books, talks, art, and courses for people who want a creative life and a body they love. She has devoted her life to understanding how human beings operate – and how they can be more fully themselves.

To learn more about Emma, or to check out her new book, LOVE YOUR BODY, CHANGE YOUR LIFE visit

Announcing the #30daysofjournaling challenge!

#30daysofjournaling challenge


I was so inspired by the emails and comments I received on last week’s post, that I decided to create a 30-day journaling challenge. This has been such a powerful tool for change in my life, that I want to make it as easy as humanly possible for you to get started as well.

And with daily writing prompts being sent, all you have to do is show up and do the work.

Here’s how it will work:

  • Add your name and email to the sign up form below.
  • Pick something to write in for the next 30 days.
  • Writing prompts will be emailed at 7:00 AM ET daily, starting Sept. 28th.
  • Write, draw, color, paint, or do whatever speaks to you that day.
  • Continue journaling for the next 30 days… and beyond.

At the end of the 30 days, we will have an impressive body of work and words. We will have learned something about ourselves. And we will have proven to ourselves that we can commit to our growth and evolution.

It may not sound like much.

Or, conversely, it may sound overwhelming as hell.

Whichever way you’re leaning, I promise you that’s it’s totally possible and incredibly powerful.

Will you join me?

Registration has officially closed for the #30daysofjournaling project. 

If you want to be notified if another challenge opens up and receive delicious content for your mind and mouth, make sure to sign up for the newsletter.

You want me to do what?

Menu planning

(Image source: Homemakers Daily)

I just want to say a heart felt thank you to everyone that took the time to write me or to leave a comment about what menu planning route I should take. You are all so brilliant, resourceful, and just plain generous.

The consensus was for menu planning by theme (A.K.A Option 1), with a bit of just sit your ass down and do it (A.K.A. Option 3) thrown in for good measure.

And you know what? You’re absolutely right.

Something that makes my life easier, reduces the stress in our house greatly, and helps all of us feel better day in and day out is always worth the time necessary to do it.

I also need to remind myself that I don’t have to use every. single. nap. for work. Taking care of myself should be a top priority as well. And this, friends, is taking care of myself. And The Babe. And The Hubster.

And that makes it worthwhile every single week.


I love love love the template I shared last week from Emily Marko, but know that our style of eating is a lot different than hers.

I’m thinking that I’m going to stick with the themes mentioned last week:

  • Mondays: Pasta
  • Tuesdays: Burgers
  • Wednesdays: Freezer Finds
  • Thursdays: Asian-inspired
  • Fridays: Finger Foods
  • Saturdays: Vegetarian
  • Sundays: Fridge Clean-out

I think this will help to keep us organized, to cut down on time spent searching for meals, and also give us each enough variety and flexibility that we’ll actually be looking forward dinner time.

Wish me luck! We’ll be testing it out this week.


Project: Food Budget – Week 2

Project: Food Budget

Goal: $100/week
Actual: $63.12 (Trader Joe’s) PLUS another $62.17 (Trader Joe’s) for a total of $125.29

I know it looks like I was way under budget this week. But that shopping trip to Trader Joe’s was a “quick stop to pick up the missing items from our shopping list” trip. I also got $3.99 off because we returned some cookies from the last trip (the plastic seal was missing…).

The good news is, I still have $36.88 to work with this week to stay in the clear. The bad news? I have no menu plan for the week, and already know we need to go back to the store for some fruit, eggs, and bread.

I may try and make the bread here, because homemade bread is easy and delicious. It’s also time consuming (hence why I simply buy it instead) and I don’t want to be tied to the house for 2 hours while it rises, rests, and bakes.

Other than that, I’ve been scouring Pinterest for new recipes and ideas for what to make in our new grill. So far, hamburgers, hot dogs, and corn on the cob are the only things that come to mind.

EDIT: I ended up heading to Trader Joe’s after I posted about this and ended up spending another $62.17. I’m also beginning to realize that our grocery trips are only getting us through about 4-5 days and after that we’re running on fumes. We are completely out of eggs, bread, and all fruit.

I want to keep an eye on this, but may need to up our spending or rethink how I’m planning my weeks…


Biggest splurge this week:
TJ’s Fat Free Sesame Dressing for an impromptu Asian Pasta Salad. Damn you Trader Joe’s for sampling some seriously delicious food that The Babe was all about. Good thing our splurge was only $1.99.

Proudest moment:
Realizing that I still have $36.88 to work with this week and stay in/under budget. I seriously have been beating myself up for already having to go back to the store for more food. Dear self, take it easy. We have room in the budget.

Goal for next week:
To have an actual menu plan put together before I head out to the store. The whole not-having-a-plan thing is way more stressful to me than going over on the food budget. And yet, I still ignore it or tell myself I’ll figure it out on the fly. I never do. And it’s draining my mojo.


Some potential extra yummies for The Babe:


That’s it for me. Make sure to check out my fabulous blogging buddies going on this budgeting journey with me, including:

Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body.

"Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body." Elder David A Bednar(Image via)

When I thought about my goal for last week of identifying the kind of things that I enjoy or don’t enjoy, I imagined myself putting together a pretty (and organized) little list with one column for “enjoy” and the other column for “don’t enjoy”.


The Big U clearly had other plans for me. And it came in the form of a 7-Day Visibility Challenge through Propelle. Yesterday was Day 3 and all about sharing what you are currently struggling with.

My biggest struggle as of late: GUILT.

I feel guilty about everything. Guilty for not spending all of my time with The Babe. Guilty for not spending more time on my business, blog, or work with Propelle. Guilty for wanting a break. Guilty for taking time for myself. Guilty for not eating better. Guilty for getting angry because I’m exhausted. Guilty for “wasting” a nap and not being productive. Guilty for wanting time away from The Babe when I worked so goddamn hard to bring her into this world. Guilty for being her most favorite person on the planet.

I feel guilty for saying no.

I feel guilty for saying yes.

I feel guilty for changing my mind.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

And that’s when it hit me.

All of this guilt is robbing me of joy in my life.

When I wrote about my struggle on a post in our Rock It! community, I finally saw it.

And then I got angry and annoyed with myself for the very words that I was writing. If a client had said those things to me, I would have lovingly (and firmly) told her to snap out of it.

So now I’m telling myself those exact words.

Eff the guilt. It’s poisonous and self-defeating. It makes you think it’s guiding you in the right direction and then BAM. It robs you of all the fun in life.

It’s a horrible way to live.

And it’s a horrible example to teach my gorgeous, smart, and observant daughter.

I am making a commitment to myself to banish the guilt.

It is no longer welcome in my life or in my home. It’s time to let go of that shit and start taking back the joy. It’s blocking me from really taking my life and work to the next level. It’s tainting every single one of my relationships. And it’s just plain gotten old.

I’m ready.

Are you?


Enjoy More


I am having a really hard time believing that it’s officially March. It feels like February just flew by. I know it’s the shortest month of the year. But damn…

I’m happy to report that last week’s effort of sending out snail mail was a big win. I had a lot of fun writing to family, friends, and strangers alike. And am going to try and keep that a fairly regular part of my week, even if I only manage to do it once or twice a week.

This month, I am working towards enjoying things more.

I have tendency to rush through my day, going from task to task, without taking a moment to step back and simply enjoy what I’m doing. It’s like I have to eek the most productivity I can out of every moment of my day.

That way of operating has been a.) exhausting, b.) making me constantly feel distracted and scattered, and c.) like I’m not doing anything well.

I think I have literally multitasked myself into misery.

With all of that in mind, I am focusing on enjoying myself more this month. I want to be fully presented and engaged with I spend my time doing; from being a mama to a gorgeous, smart, and playful little girl, to the food testing I do through Wellspring Whole Health, and the work I do supporting women entrepreneurs through Propelle.

My task for this week: keep track of the things that I enjoy, as well as tracking the things that I don’t enjoy.

It is possible to focus my time and attention in one direction instead of thirty.

It is possible to say no to the things that make me unhappy or that I don’t enjoy.

It is possible to surround myself with the people, places, and work that lights me up.

And it is possible to do all of that right now.

Will you join me? 

Connecting pen to paper.

Letter Writing

In thinking about how I wanted to round out February’s theme of connecting more, I wanted to stretch myself a bit.

I have been doing all of the things I talked about; scheduling more coffee and playdates (weather permitting), FaceTiming like crazy with family, connecting more through social media (particularly email and Instagram), connecting with myself through daily meditation, and trying to be more present in my day-to-day life.

And while that’s been great, it doesn’t feel super out of the ordinary. I was already doing most of those things anyway.

This week, I want to do something that I don’t normally do. Or, at the very least, that I stopped doing a few decades ago…

Writing handwritten letters just because. 

I send out Thank You notes and birthday cards… occasionally.

I write grocery lists and menu plans all the time.

I even talked about the power of the personal note over on the Propelle blog. (Yeah… I’m not always great at taking my own advice.)

But none of that is the same as writing a letter to someone and putting it in the mail.

I’m a huge paper fanatic. I love pretty stationary and cards. And I am obsessed with pens and markers. You would think that I’d be a shoe-in for sending out a hand-written note.

I seriously used to be. I can remember being in high school and pouring over letters I’d write to my best friend in Cincinnati.

The last one I sent was a 14-pager (front and back). I filled it with quotes and doodles, thoughts about life and boys, and other teenage angst. My brother did his damnedest to try and steal it so he could get a window into my world and have blackmail material for life. (He tried to wrestle me for it. He didn’t get it.)

And then I went off to college and left the handwritten note behind.

Email took over. Cell phones became all the rage. And instant communication was way more exciting that anything done by hand.

Don’t get me wrong, I seriously love those forms of communication. I just think that there is something absolutely special about a handwritten note. The thought someone puts into selecting the right card. The time they take out of their day to write. And the way it stands out amongst the piles of bills and junk mail…

I want to take back a little slice of this art form.

This week, I’m going to write and send one hand-written note a day.

That’s 7 letters in 7 days. The hardest part is going to be figuring out who those 7 people are!

Will you join me?