Dear Self…

Dear Self,

The next time you get the urge to slather your hair with an obscene amount of coconut oil in the hopes of getting rid of the crazy static while making it soft and shiny, don’t. Or at the very least, show some restraint.

And by restraint, I mean use a tablespoon or two and not half the jar.

Because even though some people believe that you can never have too much of a good thing, they clearly didn’t have coconut oil treatments in mind.

Know what else is a terrible idea? Skipping the shampoo and going straight for the conditioner after a coconut oil treatment. You’ll convince yourself that it’s a brilliant idea because conditioner-only showers also make your hair softer and more manageable. I promise you will regret that decision immediately.

In fact, it will be so greasy and gross that you will think it’s still wet an hour after your shower. You will attempt to dry it for an extra 15 minutes, only to realize that it is, in fact, dry and Exxon oil-spill level greasy.

It will be so bad that you’ll end up putting it up, exasperated, just to get it out of your face. Which will, in turn, bring on an endless barrage of HAIR DOWN’s from The Babe. You’ll end up wishing you had just gotten back into the shower and thrown on another episode of Sofia the First just so you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

You’ll finally cave into the whines and take your hair down around 8PM, only to be reminded again of how disgusting greasy and staticky hair truly is.

You’ll contemplate showering after The Babe goes down, but will be so exhausted by this point that you’ll collapse into bed, angry and annoyed that your hair is still the way it is. You’ll say some weird prayer to the hair gods, asking for forgiveness and a promise that you will skip the coconut oil, actually use shampoo, and upgrade your hair products so you won’t need to go through this misery ever again.

That night, you’ll dream about showering and beautiful hair.

The next morning, you’ll wake up hoping that it was all a dream. It wasn’t. Your hair is still staticky, greasy, and gross.

You’ll finally get into the shower, 24 hours after this whole nightmare started and wash your damn hair. When you get out, you’ll do a happy dance because the hair gods actually answered your prayers, giving you the soft and luxurious hair you had been going for YESTERDAY.

Trust me when I say, it’s not worth it.

If you’re going to do the coconut oil, wash your fecking hair. Save yourself 24 hours of misery. And then come back and thank me.


More about Emily Levenson

Emily Levenson is a therapist turned holistic health coach, podcaster, meditation encourager, and seeker of everyday magic. Emily recently kicked off her third #The100DayProject, focusing her efforts on daily meditation.

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