Today was filled with journaling, meditation, self-reflection, and a little (okay, a lot of) crying. It was all done in the name of understanding myself better and exploring some deep seated patterns in my life.
It took me a while to understand how and why it all unfolded in the manner that it did, but I’m beginning to see the bigger picture and it’s thrilling.
As part of the work I’m doing through the Prosperity Prescription group, we are given 3 phrases and/or questions each week to hold in our thoughts. One of the questions for this week was, Who do I encourage?
At first, I began listing off all of the people in my life that I encourage on a regular basis. The Babe, The Husband, family, friends, other women … it felt like a nice, long list. But somehow it seemed incomplete. It wasn’t until I asked about myself, that the light bulb went off.
My immediate response to that question took me by surprise.
Riiiiight. I encourage everyone BUT myself.
I almost didn’t register it as important, because it really just felt like someone else talking. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized just how true it was.
Instead of saying, “great job, Emily!” … I tell myself, “you could’ve done better.” And, “you’re nowhere near good enough.”
Instead of saying, “You deserve a break after everything you’ve done this week!” … I tell myself, “sitting on the couch is wasting a precious nap.” Or, “you’re totally slacking on everything by just sitting here and watching television.”
If a friend (or client) had said something like that to themselves? Or, god-forbid, someone ELSE said that to me? I’d be the first to say that it was a load of horseshit.
So how come MY OWN inner dialogue gets away scot-free?
I am so grateful for this insight today. As painful as it was, it was also incredibly liberating. I was able to look one of my biggest fears in the face, experience the reality of it, witness it for what it was, and then simply stayed in the room.
I also got to see how unproductive my inner dialogue has been, and am ready to start making some changes.
What about you? Are you encouraging towards yourself or is your inner dialogue a bit of a slave driver like mine is? How do you consciously break the cycle and lay on the love?