I had a really big A-HA moment today.
My expectations are making me miserable and resentful.
On New Year’s Eve, The Husband handed me a beautiful card that said 2016 was “The Year of Boo” (his name for me). The year I would find what makes me happy and brings me the success that I am constantly going after.
And instead of being filled with a sense of joy and excitement, I broke down into hysterics. (So not the reaction he was going for.)
I felt like I had let him down, had disappointed myself, and been a big, fat, blubbering failure since quitting my corporate J.O.B and striking out on my own. I had jumped from business to business, constantly changing my focus and starting over.
My expectations for myself, and where I felt like I should be as a result, was no where near where I wanted it to be. So instead of readjusting my expectations, I measured myself against them and felt a huge sense of disappointment and failure.
It was as if there’s only one way to measure success, and I consistently fell short.
Today, as I was standing in the kitchen, fuming over something trivial, I realized that those feelings of anger and resentment stemmed from expectations, and not reality. As soon as I decided to let go of them, I felt a wave of relief.
Seriously. I felt actual chills go through my body and a deep sense of relief follow.
I’m not sure why it took me this long to realize what was going on, I’m just glad I realized it. So I can go on with my life, free of the crippling resentment and anger at how things SHOULD have turned out.