As the weather has gotten warmer, I’ve been making it a priority to move my body more. To go for walks, to workout, to have more impromptu kitchen dance parties, and to stretch after long periods of sitting.
While my initial motivation had nothing to do with weight, I was eager to see if my efforts were paying off. So this morning I stepped on the scale and instead of seeing a drop in my weight, it went up pretty significantly.
It’s increased so much, in fact, that I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been (barring pregnancy).
Talk about a complete mind-fuck.
Prior to stepping on that scale, I was feeling powerful. I could see and feel my body getting stronger and my stomach getting flatter. I’ve noticed an increase in my energy levels. And was feeling a general sense of excitement about what I was doing.
After stepping on the scale, I felt deflated and defeated. My brain kept saying things like “Nothing I ever do matters.” “Why do I even bother.” And, “I’m the only person out there who actually GAINS weight when making positive changes instead of losing it like everyone else.”
Logically, I know it’s absolute horse shit.
Emotionally, it feels like I’m a complete and utter failure.
The good news is, I know better than to listen to this voice. I know it’s pure sabotage; preventing me from staying the course and working through whatever beliefs I’m carrying around this. So tonight, I plan on doing some journaling and some forgiveness work around what’s coming up.
Because I’ll be damned if I let the scale stop me from doing what I set out to do.
So from this day forward, my new mantra is: